Twilight - Eclipse... My Movie Review

Yes... I went to see Eclipse


Okay… I wrote a “Twilight – New Moon” movie review. So, here’s my take on the latest installment of the Twilight Sage… “Eclipse”.
Before going to the movie… I was told by Randi(one of my favorite women in the world) to turn in my “man card”. So… I tossed my pink Hello Kitty Debit Card on the table and ask if there was anything else I needed to do. Hello Kitty Card being a totally different story and much less my “fault” than going to see a girlie movie. I was also instructed by Virginia(a 16 year old young lady) that “it’s not Twilight… it’s Eclipse”. So, I take some testosterone points back for at least calling it the wrong name.
That being said… if there were an actual “man card” penalty… I would probably have negative 5 man cards. I seem to lose more of them than I earn back. 
On to the show. 
There were 9 showings of Eclipse on Sunday night. All of them sold out. As we arrived at the movie… there were probably 1000 people in badly designed lines. There were rows banded off probably long enough for 100 people. Problem is… that the lines were 200 to 250 people deep and the signs letting you know which line to get in… were at the front of the line. Literally 50 yards from where you needed to get in the line. But no worries… while in line… somebody would certainly tell you where you needed to be, and might even be close to correct. So, the worry at this point, is that if you “mess up”… you will certainly not find a decent seat, and may not get to sit with the person(s) you came with. A bit stressful, especially since I bought tickets a full month ago. Additional confusion in line… a person asked me “did you go to the front and get an actual ticket or do you have the paper ticket printed at home”??? I said, “I have the paper ticket”. She then said… “you need to go inside to the machine and scan your barcode to get an actual ticket”. So, I walked inside where an employee said… “yes… that’s right you need to get an actual ticket… here’s how you do it”.   At this point, I am looking out the window at no less than 1000 people and wondering…  “if I didn’t know this… how many of them don’t know this”? Back to the end of the line… and as we waited for the 12:20AM line to start moving… I overheard a person from probably 50 feet away say(because I have amazingly good hearing)… “that was the 12:20 line… we are in the wrong line… come on”. As I saw her hand her ticket to an employee…. And the employee nodded… I said… “let’s go, we are in the wrong line after all that”. So my group of about 6 people starts moving out of what appeared to be the 12:20 line to the actual 12:20 line(which had now gone inside). As we walked into the front doors of the building… I saw no less than 70 people jump out of this version of the “wrong line” to go to the 12:20am showing. We were all in the wrong place. I then wondered again… “if this many of us were in the wrong line… how many folks in the next line… and the next line… were also confused by this process”? Forget it... my next thought… “we need popcorn”.
After we found seats, I saved our place while Chelsey ran for popcorn. She came back with what must have been the largest popcorn bucket in the universe and 2 sodas which were equally massive. 12:05AM… and officer announces to the crowd, “turn your cell phones off please”. 
Okay… movie time and my thoughts:
Jacob and Edward were forced to interact in this movie more than in the past. My favorite element of the movie was certainly the interactions between Jacob and Edward. Partially because of the real life situation that Taylor Lautner has taken his place as a “heartthrob” equal to Robert Pattinson. If not passing him… certainly making it darn close. Watching Lautner grow as a celebrity with appearances on Saturday Night Live, David Letterman and others has made him more familiar to me. Frankly… he seems like a great kid. If you haven’t seen him outside of Twilight… watch this skit from SNL (it is 2 minutes in). If you remember the Kanye West situation with Taylor Swift where he interrupted her acceptance speech on the VMAs and babbled… “Imma let you finish…but Beyonce had the greatest video of all time”… this is a must watch(back story… Taylor Lautner was standing right there as Kanye did that to Taylor Swift… his apparent girlfriend at the time)
The best line of the movie(to me) was in a situation high atop a mountain in a freezing cold tent. Bella is freezing to death. Edward can’t help… because he’s a cold… vampire! Alas, but Jacob is a living & breathing human/wolf… so he has body heat. Reluctantly, Edward allows Jacob to snuggle up all shirtless to Bella to keep her warm(and from freezing to death). As Bella falls asleep, Jacob and Edward have a discussion… including… Jacob pointing out that he can keep Bella warm and Edward can’t. The specific line was “I am hotter than you”. The theater erupted in laughter. It was funny. And knowing that the casting folks for Twilight wanted to recast Jacob at one point… in real life… made the line even funnier. It took me outside the movie for a moment. Honestly… it felt like the line was more Taylor saying it, than it was Jacob. 
The overall biggest difference in this movie versus the prior episodes of Twilight… is interaction/cooperation of the vampires and werewolves. A threat is coming from a group of new vampires and without the cooperation… Bella would surely be killed. 
The story has a common situation from many other movies. Not subtle at all. One girl… in love with two guys. One guy wants the girl and will do anything… change anything… be anything to be with her. The other… is aloof… pushes her away… wants her then doesn’t want her… then says basically… “I don’t want to want you because I am bad for you”. Not that this type of relationship could ever happen in real life. Wait… oh yeah. 
Jasper plays a more prominent role in this movie. We finally learn his story on how he became a vampire and his connection to Rosalie. Jasper also breaks out a heavy old south confederate accent that I didn’t expect(since I refuse to read the books).  
Not a spoiler for anybody probably but… the Volturi are clearly going to be a problem in the next movie. Edward and Bella are now scheduled to both, turn Bella into a vampire and to get married. Seems like a good plan… but they were supposed to do this immediately after their last meeting with the Volturi and failed to do so. AND… the Volturi are ticked off. Frankly… I don’t think anybody wants to have the Volturi annoyed with you. When Edward seems scared of something/somebody… I tend to get concerned. He’s a pretty bad dude.
Without spoiling the movie for anybody… who has yet to see it… it is well done. The imagery and the cast are good. It’s a fluffy movie of course… but the fight scenes are pretty cool. Even if you are one of the guys out there griping about “man cards” or the fact that “vampires don’t sparkle in the sun”… the power of the werewolves and the vampires is good stuff. Not quite Ironman 2 good, but still pretty awesome. 
If you are a male… about 37 years of age(like me)… watch it for the comedy and the fight scenes. You can roll your eyes when Edward sparkles in the sun, or when Bella leads on Jacob… but there are some good lines. “I am hotter than you”… should be said at every water cooler in the world for a few weeks. 
Now… the most important question you would have for the weather geek. Why in the world would you go watch this on opening night? Answer: Because hearing a room of 300 “Twi-hards” oohing and laughing is as funny as the movie. I am kind of a people watcher as much as a movie watcher. It’s funny to be a part of. Example… Edward and Bella are about to get hot and steamy… and he says… “stop trying to take your clothes off”. One woman in the crowd yells out “darn it”… followed by 300 people laughing hysterically. 
It’s not for everybody. 
Can I have my “man card” back yet? 
BTW… I love Lady Gaga’s music and think she is an amazing artist.
Well… I had the “man card” back for 8 seconds. That’s a new record.
Jeremy Cullen
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